Pork Is Not A Verb
by tmntyyh
Summary: Vincent sure was set in his old ways and neither Reno nor Cid could deter him while Cloud looked on in confusion. Then again, he might have a point... Warnings are inside. Short one-shot.


Title: Pork Is Not A Verb

Summary: Vincent sure was set in his old ways and neither Reno nor Cid could deter him while Cloud looked on in confusion. Then again, he might have a point...

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. The title comes from "The Simpsons."

Warnings: General lewdness, mentions of yaoi, mentions of het, swears, smoking, drinking, general teasing...

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><p>"Yeah," the blonde pilot breathed as smoke curled from his mouth, a burning cigarette held between his fingers. "So he's got this girl bent over the table an' he just starts porkin' her-"<p>

"Come again, Chief?" a deep baritone cut in as red eyes remained focused on the blonde pilot. "Reno did what to some poor girl?"

"He porked her," the pilot repeated with a wide grin on his face, picking up the lack of amusement in the brunette man's expression. "...Ya know what porkin' is, right, Val?"

"Doubt it," Reno snorted as he took a large gulp of his drink, his own cigarette held in his left hand. "Poor bastard was stuck in a coffin for fuck-knows how long. He's still far behind the rest of us advanced beings, yo." Leaning over the table, the redhead grinned largely at the ex-Turk, "Ain't that right, sweetheart?" His grin faltered slightly when he found himself staring down the barrels of Cerberus. "Heh..."

"...Even I don't know what it is," Cloud offered with a slight shrug of his shoulders. Aquamarine eyes turned to look at the swordsman, lips curling into a lazy and seductive smirk.

"Want to find out, yo?"

"Leave the kid alone," Cid snapped as he rolled his eyes before turning his attention to the brunette man at their table. "An' put yer fuckin' gun away, Val; this ain't no goddamn war we're fightin'! We're all just havin' a fuckin' drink together!" Vincent nodded slightly before holstering Cerberus and fixed his fiery eyes onto the Captain. "Porkin' is a way of sayin' fuckin', ya numbskulls."

"Pork is not a verb," the brunette retorted as he crossed his arms in front of his chest, continuing to stare evenly at the Captain. "It is a noun."

"It's both!" Reno cut in with a wide grin on his face. "Ya can eat pork an' ya can pork someone, yo!"

"I think that would be impossible semantically speaking."

"Eh?"

"Ain't physically," Cid cut in as he grinned.

"...Perhaps," the brunette replied as he continued to keep his focus on the blonde pilot. "It is still not a verb."

Snorting, the redhead leaned back in his chair, "Ya can turn anything into a verb if ya try hard enough, yo!"

"Turkey's got a point," the pilot replied as he took a drag on his cigarette before blowing the smoke out of his nose, a grin unfurling on his face. "If ya try hard enough people will catch on and start sayin' the same thin' ya do."

"...Really?" Cloud asked as he leaned forward in his seat, enthralled with the conversation that had confused him earlier.

"Of course!" the redhead chimed in lazily.

"People are idiots," Vincent muttered as he rose from his seat, eyes turning in their sockets to look at the pilot. "Grab a slab of pork and meet me in our room immediately, Chief. I will prove to you that you cannot "pork" someone." Without saying any more, the brunette turned and left the table leaving the three man sitting in amusement, confusion, and worry.

"...What is he going to do with a slab of pork?" the swordsman asked cautiously as he looked at his fellow blonde and accompanying redhead.

"Only one way to find out," Reno leered before flicking his thumb in the direction that Vincent left in. "Redneck's got to grab some pork and get the porking of his lifetime!"

"Fuck ya!" the pilot snapped as he rose from his chair and stomped away, ears bright red as the Turk laughed.

"I already got a blonde that I want ta pork, yo!" he called back before turning his attention to the only remaining blonde at the table. "What do ya say, yo? I can teach you all ya need to know 'bout porking..."

Review and let me know what you thought.


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